Dance upon the jester's joyfulness

2011-03-01T01:24:00.002+08:00

Life is taking another detour. I hate to say this, but nothing is going my way. NS is in the way. It is in my way to doing more things, 4X

2010-09-11T01:59:00.002+08:00

I've just watched the exorcism of Emily Rose, and it got to me when one of the 6 identified demons in the show happened to be Belial. Again it reminded me of the same demon classified in Clavicula Salomonis - the demon in the lesser key of Solomon according to Pseudomonarchia Daemonum, or Monarchy of Demons.

Listed as the 68th spirit (out of 72), Belial is believed to be created as a king after Lord Lucifer. But that wasn't what puzzles me. Belial is a demon in the same classification of demons as the demon which name I took after - 2nd spirit Duke Agares. If this part of the movie is real, then the lesser key of solomon tells a lot about demonic realms and its truth.

I shall not bewilder myself with such complications.

2010-09-09T00:34:00.002+08:00

Responsibility.

Now let me tell everyone what this word actually mean. It comes in a million definitions, and I have one perfect explanation for this.

Most of the people would tell you responsibilities mean fulfilling your job and duties enticed to you, even if it means to take up your holidays. True enough, there isn't one single reason why anybody should omit anything in work. Heaps of load should all be cleared despite the stress - because they're paid.

I'm not paid, not doing something I applied for, therefore no responsibility. Simple. Money = Responsibility.

2010-09-06T01:35:00.002+08:00

Luka Blight - Fear is a stupid emotion.

2010-08-19T00:30:00.002+08:00

Agares - Lost and yet to be found.

Yes, that's what it is. I've completely lost myself after so much, and so much that I neglected people who love me. I feel guilty thinking of this, and so upset when I can't get a hold of myself. The soul that lifted me from forlornness seemed to drift away, leaving behind a wretched and empty carcass.

Yes there were times, I'm sure you knew. When I bit off more than I could chew. But through it all when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all and I stood tall, and did it my way...

It was a fabulous song, I though it depicted my way. Until I lost myself did I know of the shame that I did not make the worth of this song. Somebody, show me the way to the Lost and Found dept please.

In search of a meaning. P.S - You can never find it in SG.

2010-08-14T01:15:00.002+08:00

So finally I've become a top-scorer of the night in SAFRA Futsal court. I scored 4 goals, shot more than 3 on target (saved), but conceded a few by mistakes. Overall it was good, but better if I had better stamina. And you weren't here to see me score goals.

Life's hard to get by now. Too much changes, too much shocks and devastation, and too little time to feed cherries to my heart. More to come, and too little to smile. 2012, I'm waiting desperately for you. Not the doomsday, but the end of my misery.

Singapore, I'm beginning to dread your system.

2010-08-10T01:26:00.002+08:00

One of my former school mates had unfortunately been involved in a fatal car accident. I don't know her, but death was certainly too harsh for a girl of her age. May you find peace - Cindy Tan Xiu Li.

So much things happened so fast that I could no longer calm down and listen to the rhythmic ticking of the clock. It wasn't too pleasant, and I had wanted to believe that I could live on with this. But no, I know things ain't going my way despite my efforts to stimulate them. Crashed, and crushed. I'm counting down to more sorrow, as if I haven't had enough of it.

Fear has grown immuned in my heart. I grew up as a boy who learnt through fears and challenges, but now I need to understand more about everything.

Honey, I'm sorry I neglected you. Misses...

2010-07-19T03:13:00.002+08:00

I have an appointment with the shrink next week. Maybe he will break my locks and unleash the tremors in my soul? But then again, I don't know how to entrust my trauma with SAF doctors. I've had a horrendous experience, and wouldn't want to be bitten again.

I'm sorry to my girlfriend that I could not open up enough to you. I know you'll be reading this, and I wish to tell you that I'd love to talk to you about my problems. But I get devastated just by thinking, not to mention talking about it.

I'm just avoiding and hopping over problems. People may assume of my strong and steadfast personality, but that was the front I'm putting up with the facade of a king to ward away 'evils' from my life. I'm losing the balance, or rather I've never found it. I made myself adhere to a motto that I created for myself recently - Substance, Element, and Confidence (S.E.C). It would be the drive for me to excel in life, and to become a successful man in future.

But now, I need to trample over my problems and make sure I don't succumb to them. It won't be easy, it will take time and sacrifices, but choices are not an option now. The hurdles are tall, my legs ain't long. I can't hope for miracles, but I'll turn miracles into norms. If I managed to hop over them, I'll be able to run on a smooth track ahead. And If I don't, I may either fall hard and never stand up again, or fall and hope that I'll pick myself up again.

Where's Agares?

2010-07-14T01:42:00.002+08:00

Shamed into solitude Shunned by the multitude.
I learned to listen In my dark, my heart heard music.

I long to teach the world, rise up and reach the world.

No one would listen, I alone could hear the music.

2010-06-21T00:37:00.002+08:00

Who was willing to understand me? Who was willing to open up and listen to me? Who knows about the misery I am living in everyday? I say nobody! No one would listen, and nobody give a shit about how I'm getting on. None.

My mum, she cares for me. But she doesn't know how hard it was for me to handle all these. My siblings, they know shit about me - maybe they should really try getting 200 fucking bucks a month after deducting all basic expenses and see how easy life can be for them.

Nobody else knows, or willing to know about my devastation. I need to vent!

2010-06-18T02:00:00.002+08:00

I say, you were once the almighty that see legions under your lead. But now, you have been reduced to frail old haggardness, without a wield of your worthy prowess. To where wandered the hawk and crocodile which vowed to you their strength and royal blood?

Where are you, Duke Agares?

2010-06-15T19:02:00.002+08:00

Fell sick these few days. Fever, food poisoning, gastric flu, you name it. It wasn't a pleasant Sunday morning to start with, when I woke up having the runs for as long as 15 minutes. Then I started having chills and shivers for a whole afternoon before my temperature shook up to a good 38.5 degrees. I put on a thick coat, but it did not make me feel any more cosy. I knew it's going to be an awful day, because I would not be allowed a sumptuous Sunday dinner prepared specially by my sis and mum to welcome our relatives. That sucked...

I went to bed for 3 hours of recuperation after I took my medication during the evening, when they were having their dinner. There were still some dishes left after I woke up, but looking at the juicy braised chicken and yummy scrambled eggs, it was damn near yet darned far. So I settled for some tasteless bread sprinkled with some sugar, bought from some typical neighbourhood confectionary. It wasn't at all filling, but I ate only a bit of it.

Blah Blah Blah. So much so, I'll stop here... 19 months to go........... Wasting life away like this....

2010-05-31T01:58:00.002+08:00

So it's been 2 months since I'm gone from here. Maybe being busy and occupied is a good thing for me, so I won't try to think of silly things and come here to whine. But apparently I'm still so troubled and traumatised by the kind of life I'm leading - National Service.

Clerk. It may sound easy and dumb, but truth has it that life wasn't easier than an infantry brigade. I hate to mention about NS, in fact I seldom do that to anybody. But I have to face the fact that I have to complete this 2-year dumb course. 4.5 months past, 19.5 months left. But the morale in me has dropped rock bottom, leaving me with nothing but dreads for the rest of the course.

$420 is the amount I'm receiving every month, how encouraging. Imagine doing stupid jobs with that kind of pay, and being intimidated by a bunch of douchebags. I wonder, if Singapore happen to go to war, how many men are truly willing to go all out and sacrifice for the country? Not me, I haven't found a deserving reason to do that. People are just forced into service, doing things that pretty waste 2 years of their lives. If people are so patriotic about their country, they'll sign on to become regulars. What is the point of forcing citizens to take up this responsibility when they don't even want to be responsible for it?

Tomorrow is just another crappy day. Good night, if it's really so good.

2010-03-17T00:38:00.002+08:00

两个月了，我服兵役已经有大约十个礼拜了。时间说长不长说短不短，我不知道下来的日子会怎样过，毕竟胡思乱想也不能解脱我心理上的困扰。

我恨不得这两年快点过。虽然我只不过是个clerk,但也不表示我的日子很好过。我每日所面对的压力足已让我崩溃，尤其是在生命失去了支柱的时候。

还有二十个月。

2010-02-17T02:07:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year. Happy? I don't really know.

2010-02-04T23:12:00.002+08:00

I don't want to mention anything about my dismal NS days. I have something more heartening to share today - The demise of a man who was once my guide to buddhism - Mr Goh Gek Hong.

He used to watch me grow, from an infant to a teen, and then into a fine young man. I started my buddhism studies at his place where Nichiren Buddhism was taught, and he always seem to be a solitary man to me. One thing he was well known of, was his frequent puffings; he never once went with0ut a packet of cigarrettes.

These small sticks of tar and tobacco, has become his biggest burden and eventually his killer.

Last November, mum and I went to his place for a chanting session with some other Soka members to pray his for quick recovery. He was losing his voice day by day as his lungs condition start to worsen, but he was still able to communicate with us like normal people.

Days later, mum told me he was admitted into Tan Tock Seng hospital. I heard he was undergoing some chemo-treatments, and his conditions were improving bit by bit. It was a wonderful piece of news, and I was so relieved and elated over it.

However, his conditions deteriorated after he was hit by viral infections. To my astonishments, mum told me the doctor had said that given his weak immune system, he has little days left. It was devastating and saddening, as things happened too quickly too suddenly. Another chanting session was held, this time in my chapter zone leader's place.

There were slightly more than 1o people attending the session. Each and every one of us chanting for the best of him. As for me personally, I didn't pray for him to recover. I know we have to be practical in handling such things, and prayers are only for people who understand its meanings. I prayed for him to either recover smoothly, or leave peacefully and without pain.

The next day, mum and I visited him in the hospital. He was rather delighted to see us, and was trying his best to show his hospitality despite being in a difficult situation. I was relieved to see how strong he still is, as he communicate with us through hand gestures and words written on a writting board. He toned down too much, but he was still very conscious. Besides his bed was his chanting beads which he used to chant on bed. As we communicate, he tried to speak something to me which we couldn't comprehend. His voice was completely lost by then, so he had to rely on the writing board to convey his words.

He said '人生到了最后，才知道爱惜'. The next moment saw his tears running down his cheeks, which made me emotional but i had to suppress my sorrow. Mum wants to leave after an hour of visit, but I was a bit reluctant as I know that I may never see him again. He moved to a hospice the following Monday, and everybody knows a hospice usually accomodate people who are in their final days.

3 days after his move (today), I received a message from a friend of Soka. He informed me of a wake, of Mr Goh Gek Hong that will start tonight. I was stunned, too shocked to feel anything. He was still looking strong last Saturday when we visited him, and he left just 5 days after. Life is just so vulnerable, so unpredictable, and so sudden. But I hope he left without pain, to attain Buddhahood.

I'll be attending his wake tomorrow evening, to pay my last respect to this great man. I'll never forget him; how he used to teach buddhism, and how a solitary man he is to me.

Rest In Peace Mr Goh Gek Hong, goodbye.

2010-01-17T22:07:00.002+08:00

I've been enlisted for a week, and everything seems shaky for me. Yes I'm uder medical PES E, and I'm doing all the clerk work that nobodlieve I would do. I'm not very fit, but neither am I too weak to do basic physical trainings. So I thought for very long, and came up with a conclusion. Maybe I should go to the doctor and ask for a letter to put me in PES C.

Although the first week was pretty alright, I'm still feeling very stress over what's going to happen next. I'm still trying to learn everything I have to do in there, and adapting to the kind of military life that I loathe most. 5 days a weeks, 9 plus hours a day ain't very pleasant for a sales person like me. There isn't anything I would dread more than entering the camps filled of people with golden crabs on their shoulders.

To make it worst, I was asked to go to the Medical Office for a body check-up that was required for all new enlistees. It was only the 5th day, when the medical officer told me my medical report shows no serious signs of health issue that I should remain in PES E. So he insisted on putting me onto a higher PES status. I refuse to call him doctor because I don't respect people who work by books and records. It's dumb, and I mean he's really a douchebag.

I was trying hard to learn what I have to learn in the office. But knowing I'm going to be posted out in maybe a month's time, I don't know if I should still slog for the people in there. Somtimes NS really push people to the limits. Since I've to go through so much stupid things in my NS, I'm going to just give no shit to the service, and do all I can to slack my military life away.

Tomorrow's another new week. God bless me.

2010-01-10T22:32:00.002+08:00

I'm enlisting tomorrow. Not afraid, just stressed and nervous about it. I hate getting around with people and doing things together, and the thought of spending time together with them irks me. Well, I hope everything goes well for me.

Long day tomorrow, good night.

2010-01-07T17:10:00.003+08:00

It was windy, the winds were unusual. But the people in the community were having a good time as usual, the kids playing and the people enjoying lunch everywhere. It was like a big family, all living in 2 blocks of 5-storey high blue-wall apartments. While my father was clearing up the crumbs on his plate, I stood at the window looking down the alley between the 2 block of flats. My mind in a swirl, I knew something disastrous is going to happen to this place. The weather was just not right, the clouds and the uncommon breeze that brushed across my face, everything was strange.

Then came a boy of my age. I couldn't recall his name, but he was a lively, and spastic young teen who seem to love doing adventures. He told me enthusiastically about the things he have done in the past, how he climbed mountains without harness, and jumping off a 8-metre-high cliff down the river. We got along very well, until I began to tell him about the strange weather that's bothering me, and that I believed that some disaster's going to struck the area. He responded with a raise of his left brow, the look on his face telling me how silly I am. "You're just getting a little bit too stressed. Changes of the climate is pretty common, so stop being a worrywart". I couldn't agree with him, I knew things ain't the way he thinks is right.

I tried to drift my attention away. My father came over with a cup of fruit punch, and I tried to suppress the dull look on my face, forcing a smile over my cheeks saying "Thanks Dad". But the thought of a potential disaster is over-whelming. I couldn't sit still, only to pace back and forth as though bad things have already happened and I'm trying to find a way out.

I wished things weren't the way I thought. But the rain and winds are getting stronger, and kids are running back indoors for shelter. Everybody crammed into the 5th storey where the dining area is, the adults and me slamming the panels of glass windows like there are dinosaurs outside the building. Everybody stood parallel to the window panes, shocked and speechless as we watch the unsual rain pouring in. Just as we thought we're safe, my new friend; the spastic young teen, rolled his eyes at everybody's fear of the rainstorm and walked out of the room to the corridor where the sink is. "Come on guys, it's just a heavy rain. We need to wash our hands after every meal remember?" We are separated only by a panel of glass, but every one of us is yelling at him to come back in. He ignored us and went on to wash his hands.

The next moment was to our despair and disbelief. Just as we thought that the rainstorm would cease after some time, a sudden flush of waters higher than the level of our flats, came pushing my friend away. All of us started to panic, some stood still with their legs wobbly, while the rest started to run for their lives. My father and I ran down to the 1st level, which to our surprise was unaffected by the Tsunami. We knew the glass windows wouldn't be able to withstand the strong current of the waters and that the entire level would be flooded with casualties.

Down at the 1st level, I saw my mum and sisters, after that.........

I woke up, eyes opened wide in shock. I was trying to figure out what's real and what's not. But it was a worthy nightmare, and I wonder if there will be a second part.

2010-01-04T12:30:00.002+08:00

I'm enlisting in a week, which means I have only 7 days to idle before I start wasting time in the Air Force doing administration work. Work in Skagen was pretty alright despite the awful wage, but it was good experience and easy for a sales veteran like me.

Life is getting so screwed for me, I'm losing grip to a lot of things already. There was the confidence in me that turned my pride to arrogance and complacency, now I'm losing all that I have in me to do even the simple things. Perhaps it was the 'awakening' that aroused my visions. When my smug look brushed across all I wanted to challenge, I realised I haven't the capability to put myself on the top shelf. I can't convince myself, not at this moment of my life. But I'm still young, there are a lot of things I'm going to do to become who I will become in future. It's going to be a bumpy journey, but with good legs I'm going to cross the toughest mountains and leap over the highest hurdle. It's just a matter of time.

I have a strong ego, so strong I couldn't even stand myself sometimes. But that's also the reason I'm pushing hard to accomplish as much as I can. If I have to, I will be.

2009-12-14T02:48:00.002+08:00

A month of disappearance, I'm here again to share my 21st birthday moments.

First, I want to thank all who came and who organised this birthday celebration for me. They are my family, my cousins, Justin Javier and family, and my friends who came - Stephanie, Chang Xing, Lin Hui, Peter, Andy Lau, Ah Xiao, Shalu and sister, and Qifan. You guys made my day, and I'll never forget the moments. Not to forget some who didn't manage to turn up due to important matters, like BaoBei, Yang Bin, Paolo, and YeeYing. Thanks for your well wishes...

Gifts I've collected - A Chinese Tea Set, A Candle Display Holder, A Musical Box (What a wonderful world), An Adidas Perfume Set, A Calvin-Klein perfume, Armani-Exchange leather belt, and 2 High-Society music CD. I love all of them, thank you very much! Now I can brew my own Pu-Er tea =D

And now for the celebration, I'll like to extend my appreciation to Steph, LinHui, Chang Xing, and Peter. They came earliest to the BBQ pit (even before I arrived) to help out, sorry I wasn't a good host to keep you guys entertained. We had some home-cooked food before we started the fire at 7pm. The food was alright, but those who came might have felt a little bored because there wasn't anything much to do over there in Pasir Ris park. The cake was nice, and I was 'asked', if not forced to put on a golden cone hat on my head and a fake mustache throughout the entire birthday song 'ceremony'. Well it was dumb, but also an unforgettable moment.

A good celebration comes with a pinch of disappointment, I knew there were some problems with the budget issue (regards to the gift) between Steph and some friends. I didn't feel very good receiving the presents, though happy and surprised. And to think that some close friends had to either give my day a miss due to some typical excuses, or call several times making sure that there's food before agreeing to come. But well, I've learnt alot too...

And for those I didn't invite, I'm sorry because I wouldn't want to disturb your day for I know it wouldn't be easy for you guys to take time off the evening. People like Bro Shane, Anterine, and cousin Xiao-Feng.

Alright, I'll stop here now... Goodnight

2009-11-03T00:14:00.002+08:00

Listening to: Laura Fygi - Don't it make my brown eyes blue

She's a great Jazz artist, it was a right decision to buy her new album. I heard she's coming to Singapore, but well... It's not so nice sitting there all alone listening to such delicate music.

Hmm I've finally found a job. But as usual, I'll be seeing customers (or just passer-bys) and bragging my products away (like I did for the past 4 years). What's new? Nothing besides the products I'm going to sell - Skagen watches that originates from Denmark. They have a couple of attractive designs, but my taste often give people the orbit feel (which I prefer to call it classic). Oh I bought one of them, it's in one of the photos I'd uploaded in the previous post. My family didn't really like it because they feel it was a little too matured for me - if you know what I mean.

There probably is something bugging me, but I really don't know what really is going on. I feel so downcasted and lethargic everyday that nothing bothers me anymore. There isn't anything that could brace me up, or am I beggining to dread living? All the psychological cues that I learned in school, all seem so ridiculous. How insensitive can life be, when everything doesn't seem to interest you anymore. I don't know, just... don't know...

2009-10-30T02:28:00.001+08:00

Just some random photos... That's Skagen, my new watch =)

2009-10-23T02:26:00.002+08:00

It's getting late, and I'm still up with a pretty fresh mind blogging before I force myself to bed. Nothing much, just penning down my thoughts since there ain't really anybody I can share my mind with...

Life is a hard nut to crack. Sometimes you don't even know if there is a good reason to crack it open, but you just have to crack it. But I discovered a simple concept within mathematic formulae which is pretty universal.

+ x + = +
+ x - = -
- x + = -
- x - = +

It's not just Mathematic fundamentals which we learnt in school. There is a reason why + x + gives you +, and why - x - doesn't give you -. If you understand this and is able to bring it to daily life, you'll actually be enlightened with a lot of things, and learn how to approach life certainties. Sound ridiculous? Now get your brain cracking with this concept.

2009-10-18T18:18:00.002+08:00

Listening to: Kissing a Fool - Michael Bublé

There seems so much I want to say, but I don't know how I should put it. Emotional breakdown, or was it inferiority? Things haven't been going too well for me, or maybe nothing's going on to even go well at all.

I feel like leaving. Depart from this grounds of dilemma and forlornness.

2009-10-15T16:21:00.002+08:00

Listening to: Put your head on my shoulder - Michael Bublé

Yes it's a Jazz version of the classic oldie originated from Paul Anka, but Michael made it a little more emotional. His rendition was a Jazz style very much of his own, and I fell in love with it the first time I heard it. Michael has got a very beautiful voice for Jazz, but he does it a bit the pop way too. That's his style.

Not to mention people like Frank Sinatra (All The Way) and Josh Groban (You Raise Me Up) who are fabulous Jazz artists, Michael Bublé is like Robbie Williams, combining Jazz with modern music to make it contemporary Jazz. Don't miss Robbie's "One for my my baby", it's probably one of the best Jazz music the world can ever hear from a modern artist.

The greatest way to enjoy the beautiful Jazz music is to have somebody beside you, because Jazz bring people together. If you even know what I mean. HAHA

2009-10-09T15:57:00.002+08:00

《三字经》中第一段：

人之初，性本善。
性相近，习相远。

这段三字经说是家喻户晓，但文中的“人之初，性本善”六个字描述了 '人' 真正的本性吗？三字经的第一段意思是说，人在刚出生时，本性是善良的，性情很相近。但随着各自生存环境的不同变化和影响，每个人的习性就会产生差异。

句句有理，听起来似乎非常明智。但是人之初性本善这一句话我本身不认同。相反的，我对人的本性另有观点。与其说人之初性本善，不如说人之初性本恶。人的成长过程就包括了许许多多各种不同的挑战，如亲情，友情，工作，压力，心里上的挫折，等。生命本是一种痛苦，人人来到这个世界都是在受苦。有的自小就流浪街头作乞，有的为了过活成贼作脏。而只有从苦恶中取乐及启示的人才能获得“释放”。所谓先苦后甜，能够领悟这句话的人是智慧高明的人。对那些无法渡过苦时的人，就被称为人间之魔。他们会给予其他人们麻烦，及破坏他人的使命。这人间魔在世上不会领悟真正的快乐，也不会得到启示。他们总是爱走捷径，投机取巧的面对事情，比起脚踏实地的凡人完全相反。人间之魔也是凡人必胜的挑战之一。

人之初，性本恶。
习相近，性相远。

简单地重造三字经，改述了人生的大意义。

祥龙谨上

2009-10-08T12:59:00.002+08:00

There's been so much disasters lately. Sumatra, Taiwan, India, The Phillipines, Australia and Oceania... Earthquakes, Sandstorms, all happened in one short week. Unbelievable, astounding, devastating. There were anticipations that the world will come to an end in the year 2012, which is a short 2 years. Accurate, or mere speculations?

2009-10-07T02:34:00.001+08:00

Near, yet so far. It was almost like a song.

2009-10-04T00:45:00.002+08:00

一年似乎过得如流水般，转眼间又是中秋了。千言万语，却句句难言。中秋常艺，以诗共鸣。

月圆天下平，百姓享茶饼。
共渡中秋夜，万里传乡情。

品茶感触千万里，日时所思目茶艺。
望月歌颂心中愁，夜半歌声诉风云。

祥龙谨上

2009-09-24T03:30:00.002+08:00

It's been a while... But since I don't get a lot of patrons in my blog, why bother to update so often?...

Accompanied by: It was almost like a song - Ronnie Milsap

It's a beautiful song. It makes my heart sink a little, and reminds me of how my wretched life became so fortunate with numerous wonderful things that came to me accidentally. Like the title says, it was almost like a song... So strange, so unbelievable. There seem so much for me to handle, so much pressure that strangles me. But one by one, they all banished for good in no time. Maybe that's how life is contemporarily - Lost, but finds the way strangely in the end.

What am I driven at?......

2009-09-09T00:56:00.001+08:00

Check out my new videos in the Media section

New songs have been embedded. Please enjoy!

2009-08-27T13:36:00.000+08:00

I'm back from Peking (Beijing). Actually I'm back home since last Saturday, so it's 5 days already. I miss the sceneries there, not the food, not the people, but the slower pace lifestyle in there.. When I touched down SG, I could feel the pressure running down my spine again.

The trip was pretty good, more of a heritage trip than a city tour. The city was very much cleaner than I expected, the weather was fine, the food is still alright although I find it a little bit too bland, and the things are so much affordable compared to those of SG. BUT, despite the beauty of the city and sceneries, the people ain't that well-cultivated. No basic courtesy, very money-oriented, and sort of practical. You buy their stuffs, they worship you. If you don't, they curse you!

Nothing much about the trip that surprises/impresses me, besides the Peking Duck and the Walls of China! The Peking Duck is probably the best of its kind I've ever eaten in my life, and I won't forget the crisp and juiciness of the duck skin and its tender meat! Walls of China, it's good because it took away half of my life =) It's a challenge for me to climb up the peak, but it's more of a challenge for the ancient people to build the walls on the mountains. Miraculous, splended, and awesome scenery from the top of the walls! See my facebook photos for reference.

Another amazing part of the trip was the performance 'Legend of Kung Fu'. The show depicts the life of a monk in a monastery, and how he practiced the art of KungFu and grew to become an abbot in years to come. That performance somehow enlightened me a bit, and I've learnt to understand more the meaning of life now.

The places I've gone to:

居庸长城
全聚德北京烤鸭
秀水街
雅秀服装
天安门
故宫
天坛
鸟巢国家体育场
王府井购物街

2009-08-17T00:50:00.002+08:00

I'm flying to Peiking tomorrow.....

Not really excited, neither am I looking forward... But I'll take a lot of picture from the city and try post them in Facebook..

Take care everybody, take care stephy!

2009-08-15T01:55:00.002+08:00

I have completed my course of study, and is now awaiting what I don't wish to wait for. But things have to come, and everybody has to get over it somehow. But now, life seems so colourless. There is something missing, and I know I have to find an answer to a question that I haven't found.

我一向不爱用华文写博客，但这一段或许华文较为合适。

相信很多人都知道stephanie和我的关系不仅是朋友般简单，有脑有眼的人都应该知道这一点。但我们俩因某些因素，还未成双成对。我敢言，stephanie和我相识不下2年，关系则是在1年前开始深化。我知道不少人曾经告诉她我不是真心，也不是真情。我不以为然，反而觉得这样能带给我们一种信任的考验。

我不晓得多少人会堪读我这门博客，但我还是坚持我的立场，以表明我和stephanie的关系。我们俩是在去年尾关系深化，一直到今日还是如此。我们没进一步发展是因为我们在某些部分还未给予对方肯定，在一起后日子或许不比现在愉快。我不否认我对她有好感，但我不能因为好感就忽略了在一起后的后果。如果我们现在无法为对方改变自己的不良之处，那我宁愿保持现在的感情。

最后要说的是... stephanie, 对不起。我知道我辜负了你的好。但我觉得我们需要多一些时间来完全了解对方的性格。

2009-08-03T18:14:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's the final test to the end of my tertiary education. I don't seem to be bothered by it though, as if I'm going to just get it through without any worries...

But in fact I'm vexed.

I'm tossing the thoughts to the back of my mind until the time comes, then I don't have to bother anything after that. Bad choice, so I'm going out to get myself drilled down the books.

Business Chinese and PRC Culture. That's my modules, and I'll have to pen a business letter tomorrow with the correct format and business terms, all in mandarin. That'll be my examination for tomorrow, I'm not very much prepared yet.

My project presentation lies on next Tuesday. We'll be working on Suzhou Industrial Park Investment, where Singapore collaberated with China 15 years ago to build a economical industry to attract investments from international firms. I've never done any presentation in Mandarin, and I know very well I'll screw the entire moments up with inappropriate terms used and eloquence.

But then again, all I ask for is a Pass and graduate from Temasek Polytechnic. I'll make it through, with or without a good grade...

2009-08-03T16:57:00.000+08:00

Donald Braswell - Inspiring, modest, pure.

Check this guy out. His voice circulates the blood rushing in my veins, flusters my mind, and makes me find some hopes in life. Think i'm blowing out of proportion? Watch his performances, and you know voices can turn a man sacred.

Brilliant.

2009-07-26T23:43:00.000+08:00

Tremendous defeat to Singapore, brilliant victory to Liverpool FC

It was a stunning result for me, and the Singapore National Team. But we have to bow down to fate because the Reds delivered beautifully and deserved the win. Singapore on the other hand, could have a more prideful loss if they didn't stick to their style of play.

Liverpool tried hard in the first half, only to bag 1 goal in the last minute. It was somehow a lucky goal, as the shot hit and deflected from the Singaporean defender who were right in front of goalkeeper Hassan Sunny, causing a flustered Sunny too late to react to the shot.

Just as I thought Singapore wouldn't lose too badly as they prove themselves in the first half, The visitors gave Singapore a good thrashing down in the second. 4 goals to nil, making the final score 5 - 0. I have to be contented because LFC played a good game, and I've already expected the results to be horrendous.

I'm disgraced, not because we lost 5 - 0. I'm disgusted by the fans who came, with red Addidas and Carlsberg sponsored kit. It's natural for a group of people to come support Liverpool, but it's certainly too much for 80% of the fans to support the visitors instead of our very own National Team! National Team Coach Raddy Avramovic said before, that Singapore needs its fans to boost the morale of the players. It was an irony to see our very own stadium filled with our own people supporting the opponents! Where are the Singaporeans?!

Singapore needs to change its style of play to blend into international standards. We defeated the other SEAsian teams because they didn't have the height advantage like many of our tall players, and they couldn't break through our defence. The Singapore National Team plays in a way they mark the strikers and midfielders, ensuring no chance for the opponents to score, and then pushes the ball to the striker and let him do the rest alone. This worked for SE Asia teams, but not for technical teams like Europe and East Asia because they have good tactics and skills to dribble through the posts. Singapore is very easy to predict, not difficult to beat. Players get tired in the second half, leaving loopholes in the defense allowing the opponents to seize the opportunity to strike.

Singapore can still defeat Malaysia, Cambodia, Phillipines, maybe Indonesia with the current style of play. But if it comes to powerhouses like Thailand and Vietnam, Singapore needs to change its tactics. No more long passing and hope the ball gets to the striker, players need to grasp the skills of dribble and passing.

The national team is weak in Asia, but the clubs are strong. The current champion of the S-League, SAFFC plays the same way the national team does, which explains why they defeated PSMS Medan of Indonesia and lost to Kashima Antlers 5 - 0 in the Champions League. Brunei DPMM on the contrary, beat the champions thrice because they had good technical skills to break through SAFFC's luck and defense technics.

If Tampines Rovers had the chance to play against the Reds, the result would be a little bit more appeasing. Rapport and team work plays a lot in the field. The national team comprises of players from different clubs who did not harbor the quality of a good team, just like England couldn't do well in the World Cup too. But then again, a loss is a loss, and we lost to a good opponent. Kudos to both teams.

Next national match will be against Thailand this November, for the Asian Cup Qualifier. With Peter Reid as their technical coach, Singapore will definitely be facing a very tough team. I respect Thailand for they splendid style of play, but I hope Singapore will bring back glory this November.

2009-07-24T04:30:00.002+08:00

It's 0430 in the morning, I wonder why I'm still awake.

I look out the window, maroon made up the sky. The cold breeze gushes through my face, my mind so flustered. It's raining, I bet those who are sleeping will have a longer time with their cradles. But here I am slouching on my couch, enjoying the solitude alone with some sentimentals.

It's been some time since I set aside moments for myself. Like Steph said, I'm very self-centered. That's just me probably, I live in a world of my own. Good or bad, I don't really know. There seem to be a million things bugging me, or was it mere paranoia?

I'm like my mum. We get exasperated very easily, and I hate it so much. But I can't do anything despite telling myself I have to change.

It's a quiet night, with very beautiful serenity.....

2009-07-16T00:36:00.002+08:00

明天又回到那个闷地工作了。

我一点都不期待，反而觉得有点无奈。最近的心情非常缭乱，应该是被太多烦恼库绕着吧。活了20年，终于无法忍受在新加坡生活的方式及压力。人人都说这块地是个方城市，我不以为然。因为它培养出四方脑袋的城市人，在一个小帝国无趣的成长。换句话说，井底之蛙。

我恨不得马上离开这个井国，到个平静与优良文化的地方安居。我不是说新加坡没有文化，而是觉得这里的步伐太快，无法让人民有足够的时间享受及珍惜美好的东西。每当一样新物品上市，新加坡人已经在寻找未来的新产品。新的没去，更新的就来。新加坡人根本不懂得珍惜，大家都只会珍惜钱。

就连省吃俭用的家户，各个都是因为钱而省电省水。Saving Gaia 在这里绝对行不通，或许应该把主题换成Saving Money 。

不说了，新加坡人的心事永远说不完。晚安！

2009-07-13T01:46:00.002+08:00

First thing first, Momo (The crab my lil sis got for me from Pasir Park) passed away two days ago. No idea how it died, as it had its body totally intact. No signs of molting, no idea if it fought with the other crab to its death, but whatever the reason may be, I did what I should as an owner.

Rest in Peace Momo, find comfort in your crabby paradise.

Went to Pasir Ris park in the evening today in hope of getting new companions for my one and only left vampire crab. It's the longest living scavenger that lived with me, about 2 - 3 months and still counting. We reached the seaside at about 7.45pm, and it was already too dark for us to spot any crab. We aborted the idea, and moved to White Sands SC for our dinner in Xin Wang. It had to be the worst meal I ever had in XW, all the dishes were downright awful and close to inedible standards...........

I went home, dead beat. Dozed off on the couch while watching some silly programs on Chan 8, and woke up to start packing my room - it was left untouched for a week while I was working. I took about 1 & a half hours to finish up the work, and went for a midnight shower right after. Packing my room makes me feel relaxed and somehow relieved from stresses. I wouldn't like to talk about that now, because I find it too complex to start with.

For Steph - Gents or ladies, a friend is a bonus. You have to know how to handle a friendship, what to tell, what to share, what to do, and whether to commit to which friend you know (be it normal, close, or best friend). Friends of the opposite gender has a different characteristic, and they click easily because politics ain't a barrier between 2 different sexes. If you can trust a person of your gender who can trust you, ditch aside politics and don't let unnecessary barriers block your vision of your friend.

2009-07-11T01:35:00.002+08:00

Art. What really is it?

Art is nothing, art is everything
Looking is art, hearing is art, smelling is art, so is touching and eating
Smiling is art, laughing, crying, frowning, pouting, scowling, they are all art
Killing is art, torment is art. talking is art, bickering is art.
Language is art, culture is art. Religion is art, ritual is art.
Sleeping is art, procrastinating is art. Playing is art, sex is art.
Peace is art, war is art. Humming is art, singing is art.
Meditation is art, hyper-active is art. Drawing is art, Writing is art.

Art of Poem, or Poem of art? You decide. Remember, your decision is also Art.

2009-07-01T02:02:00.002+08:00

I've finally got my mouth-watering eye-sparkling sperm-oozing Zara top, and I'm already on cloud nine! Hahaha but to think I wanted something out of label, it's all but an irony now. =D

It's been some good time since I got myself some fashion-wear, so I went hunting for something that could really catch my fussy attention. It did take me hours to just find something I would try on, but days to finally get it. Steph accompanied me throughout, and I picked a few designer's tops that we liked.

I tried Massimo Dutti, Gap, Fox, Lee Cooper, Mark Fairwhale, Zara, and a few others that I can't recall. The prices were relatively affordable, but it's certainly hard (or especially uneasy for a fussy me) to fit into a design that I really liked. Gap and Fox's designs were getting out of trend, Lee Cooper and Mark Fairwhale didn't have the fits I wanted, and some other perfect selections are too expensive for a 20 year old like me (Ted Baker, Aigner =.=). Oh and not forgetting my determination to get something for its design not its name, I forced myself into boutiques like P.O.A, Messy, Recoil, and even Flexor. But then again, I just couldn't stay in those shops for 2 minutes! Something in my mind kept telling me I need grown-up brands...

Then finally, I went into Massimo Dutti and Zara. They have almost the same patterns, designs, and price range, and their merchandises made me drool like a crazy hound left famished for a hundred days! To top it up, THEY"RE ON SALE dammit! So I 'snuff' around in both shops looking for the best icon awaiting me its owner, and managed to tried on a few pieces from Zara. Dutti consists of 90% formal wear which I didn't intend to get, so I could only patronise the other much fashionable Spanish brand.

Amazingly (For fussy me especially), there were 2 tops in Zara that Steph & I fell in love with. It wouldn't be wise for me to get both of them because I needed to spend within my budget, and getting them both means I would overspend. So I got Steph to choose 1 for me, even though I've already known which her answer would be. HAHA I got it in the end, it cost me 90 pretty bucks. End of shopping spree for me. =D

Then I forced Steph to get a new top. Dammit she was so reluctant about it that I almost threw up blood in the process of arguments. Well, I got her 2 beautiful tops, and she got 1 for herself. Oh and she got herself some garments and a new wallet too! Haha regrets are the end-result to not getting anything in the Great Singapore Sale! Fortunately, we got what we want/needed. LOL

Next item, my wallet! I'm eyeing a Braun Buffel, Goldlion, or Toscano... Lol Let's see what I'll get =)

2009-06-28T00:12:00.002+08:00

“华人是需要管教的”

此话不易不信。身为华人，我无法不认同成龙的说法。虽然他不幸被多国华人批评，我相信还是有一部分人认同他的说法。我是其中之一，因为我看过太多了。幸运的是，我身为一名新加坡华人。

中国，香港，台湾，马来西亚，新加坡，还是印尼华侨，黄皮肤的都是中华民族。这群占有全世界人数最多的种族，虽居住在不同帝国，态度及文化却大同小异。看看中国大陆，人口达13亿。政府无法控制所有省民，导致多处人民缺乏雅观。随地吐痰，乱丢垃圾，偷窃等，都是中国非常普遍的日常问题。香港及台湾也有随地丢垃圾的问题，新加坡的爬树精神等，都是华人的丑陋一面。

还好新加坡的法律抓得紧，小事都会让你罚款。否则狮城变尸城。生活在此文化的地方真的让我非常无趣，华认真地缺乏太多礼貌，及原则。我要移民！

2009-06-24T01:39:00.003+08:00

Every man regardless of race, culture, religion, ethnic, character, personality, times, or whatsoever, has a pride to live for. Some has got their own principles, some has got their ego to die for. You'd rather dismember a man's limb than to call him a pimp.

As the Chinese saying goes, 男人膝下有黄金

I don't mean I've been humiliated down my knees, but men have got their pride to live up to. I'm no exception. I can be very stubborn just to stick to my own principles, and I won't change because of the values the principles have taught me. I've always been an over-confident guy who does things I'm very confident in, and I always achieve in the things I do. But today, I lost a pride that no man would want to lose.

There were no choices, but determination that I didn't manage to hold well enough. I'll skip what happened, but then again... That was a pride men would have to uphold....

2009-06-22T00:30:00.003+08:00

Happy Father's Day!

My entire family (together with Paolo and Karin) went to Crystal Jade in Holland V for a sumptuous dinner. The food was pretty good, service was acceptable, and the moments together was fabulous. We got dad a pack of chicken essense, and a pack of Guinness Stout. As for gran, we got him a chinese oldie CD...

I flipped through the Classified this afternoon. There wasn't a lot on the recruits portion, most of them are advertisements. What scares me was the requirements to the recruits; ALL OF THEM requires employees to carry a degree! So I thought to myself, one day I'll catch my degree in business and get my post in a marketing firm!

Goal: Degree in Business Marketing

2009-05-28T15:34:00.003+08:00

Beloved Yoji passed away this morning peacefully on her couch. May her soul resides with god, and receive god's grace and embrace.

Pappi lost a great friend.... Rest well adorable friend...

2009-04-29T00:16:00.002+08:00

May the saints watch over your souls.

The 2 remaining crabs died today, despite the amount of care and responsibility I've showered them for the past month. I was feeling devastated when I couldn't get a response from the bigger crab (The longest living one which molted 2 weeks ago) when I got home this evening, but I thought and decided not to take it too hardly because it is hell of an experience for myself. I'll get 2 - 4 more new crabs, this time more careful and responsible.

I believe the crabs died due to bad adaptation to fresh water. From my research 2 days ago, fiddler crabs don't live longer in fresh water. They need both land and salt water for better survival, and they feed on very tiny particles they can find from sand and water. Like what the website states, pet shop owners normally tell its consumers that the crabs would live well in fresh water. After the deaths of my 3 beloved crabbies, I'm going to adopt an appropriate habitat for my to-come crabbies. I hope they live to their oldest.....

2009-04-25T02:34:00.002+08:00

I am just a little pampered boy.

I don't wish to mention anything about my consultation this morning, it just didn't go well for me. I need to bury myself in busi-ness to distract my forlornness, not to coup myself all day in agony and emptiness. Now I know after this morning, that you can only rely on yourself and determination to move on. Those people are simply too faithful to the social religion, doing everything for monetary profits. Now where is passion?

2009-04-23T00:16:00.002+08:00

I can't leave now. There are too much unsettled issues to handle, and I have a lot of things yet to do. I could have taken the plunge without hesitation, but the thought of my family pulled me back from my impulsiveness. Should I go for the consultation? I'm afraid............

2009-04-22T22:23:00.002+08:00

今天的我哪里都没去，就呆在家里。其实心理上有点不平衡，想到外头透透风。但因害怕在外会胡思乱想，所以不敢外出。如今情况大有不同，我已经不知道要如何寻找自己的快乐。我是否患了忧郁症？后天早上就是疗程了，现在真的感到十分紧张。

心里的辛苦如非笔墨所能形容。

2009-04-22T01:08:00.003+08:00

今天终于上课了，读的是中国商业文化。

令我惊讶的是，课室里只有仅仅四个人。但还好同学们都对这门课程非常感兴趣，这四个人的班有如四十个人那么精彩。

不说了，情绪有些不稳定。最近发生太多事情了，如今无人能分担我的重量。多时真的希望就这样放下所有一切轻生而去，但想到身旁疼惜我的人会伤心，我不敢离别。忍忍吧，多三天就是疗程了。希望当时以后的我能够更加了解自己和爱护自己，也对他人善解人意。

别了。

2009-04-21T14:51:00.002+08:00

I've read it all, you've said it all. But I haven't penned my pieces, and haven't the intentions to. It could have been some wonderful past that I could keep in my mind, but you ruined it all at the end. I can't blame you, it was my fault to make things turnned out this way. All I ask of you, is our friendship to keep running, and not to cultivate that awkward situation between us. Absense doesn't change much, avoidance worsens the situation.

I agree with you, because I think being good friends now is the best alternative for the both of us. That is why I would like to clarify things with you as soon as possible. I haven't been good to you, sorry for my straight personality. But I hope this doesn't change both our friendship from continuing. The longer you run, the worse you will get. Hope you understand what I mean.

2009-04-20T12:27:00.002+08:00

Monsoon Eye Wear - =.=

I've been working last weekend in Scotts Isetan. Not for big companies like I used to work in the past, but one that is smaller in scale and everything else. The pay is a little bit lower than I expected, but I guess I needed the job.

Going to school in about 10 minutes time. Thanks to the CDS that held me back for one more semester, I can't plan for my work schedule and whatsoever. No matter what happens, I must pass this CDS! Damn it.. -.-

3 more days to the appointment. To be frank, I am nervous. I'm afraid I'll blow my top if that consultant is one like the airhead in CMPB medical department. I know I have a trillion things to tell the consultant, but how am I to start? I really don't know.

2009-04-15T00:19:00.002+08:00

A 'new' crab came in, one with 7 legs - I only have a 6-legged crab previously...

It isn't that new after all, I was initially surprised how it appeared in my tank. The 6-legged crab was dead when I discovered the new crab... After confirming with my family they didn't get me a new one, I did a little 'forensic' on the dead crab. I cracked open its shell, and took a peep into its internal body. It was empty - no organs, no heart, nothing at all. That's when I'm sure that the 'new' crab shed its shell to grow, and I'm not supposed to disturb it for about 3 days because it is vulnerable, and its shell is soft - it will take him that 3 days to harden.

I've been a responsible owner since I bought them home. I put them small mobs in a big tank, change its waters, and feeding them regularly. I hope they don't disappoint me with deaths, so may the goodman be rewarded with good grains.

Oh not to leave out, I bought a new crab - A Red Frontosa, after my first poor little crabby past away. I thought it would be too lonely for the remaining one crab so I went all the way to Serangoon North to get one more (I wanted 2, but they had only 1 left). All right, I will get about 3 to 4 more crabbies to make the tank a little more homie... So come back for more updates...

Pictures (of the crabs) to be posted soon.

2009-04-12T21:39:00.003+08:00

One of my two crabs have passed on yesterday afternoon (The one in water, 11/04/2009) due to unknown reasons. Grace to its soul in paradise.

2009-04-07T11:41:00.002+08:00

"True love means planning a life for two, being together the whole day through" - Hey Paula by Paul and Paula

I have enough of myself. I woke up suddenly this morning because I couldn't carry on the dream that upsets me the most anymore. The duel is over, and I've lost in a bad shape. But no I haven't conceded defeat, I'm still holding on in a hope that I can still win. HAHAHA foolish! Where is the duke who used to be so full of himself and who never looked back?

July, August, September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April. 9 months, still counting, still weeping.

Maybe Sagitaurrus is really devoted (As depicted by Steph the horoscope expert). Lol

2009-04-04T03:20:00.002+08:00

[3:17] Happy Birthday, Mum...

The evening was good, mum was filled with gifts and glee. It's a pity I couldn't fork out enough for her present, I need to do something about it. But I'm glad she enjoyed the night and surprises. Thanks to my pals for coming too, though I never played a good host ever before.

I realised what went wrong with me, and I knew it long ago without facing it. I can't accept myself for who I am, what I do, and how I live. My family doesn't stand in the center of wealth, but at least they are all able people who provides for themselves financially. I used to be a workaholic, slogging the entire day for 7 days a week. Then I lost myself, and I couldn't find the way back. My mum and sisters are label-capable, my dad is a strong man. What am I?

It's time for a change...

2009-04-02T02:44:00.002+08:00

[2:41]

I'm using my laptop to play my oldies album, and it sounds somewhat better than how it played with my 'late' hi-fi. I'm listening to the classics with a pair of Sony Hi-Bass ear piece and it delivered the music beautifully. The Media Player in my laptop has this equalizer function which allows users to manually adjust the enhancements of the music, and I think it wonderfully beatified the pieces of the music.

Yup, oldies are my cup of tea. I'm not into modern music such as R&B or Raps, so do click on the stop button when the music plays in the background (if you can't stand oldies/classics).

The psychiatrist isn't the best man who can heal me, prove me otherwise...

2009-04-02T02:06:00.002+08:00

[2:03] Leslie Cheung's 6th Death Anniversary

Nope it's not today, but the 1st of April. I thought it was Hong Kong's April Fool joke of 2003, until the news published and confirmed his death (Leslie)... It was a joke too heartening for his fans worldwide, and he dominated this day to his death anniversary. 6 years after, HK still commemorates him with concerts and fan gatherings. We're missing you....

2009-03-31T02:31:00.002+08:00

I've just set my blog's privacy to public again. So I'm asking every single one of you to respect me by keeping this journal's content to yourself.

So I'm back again, from nowhere... I departed to my own illusions and hallucinated so much that I'm lost now. But I'm not a looney, so don't treat me like I'm some special teen who needs extra care and protection. LOL isn't it hideous for me to pen such things down?

I'm finally going to see a psychiatrist soon. I'm not kidding, but I'm not mentally-declined too. I just wished to consult to get some food for my mind. Please don't think that I'm insane or whatsoever because I ain't, I'm just too confused.

Heal me, or kill me.

2009-03-30T01:04:00.000+08:00

I've decided. It's all not worth it....... And so, I deleted it.....

2009-03-23T01:39:00.000+08:00

I'm going down for a drink...

2009-03-23T00:52:00.002+08:00

[12:52] Wits End

Yes, I am lost. I lost everything already. There's nothing for me to live on, nothing for me to get emotional for. I was really happy that I could actually help my bro get his work done on time, but worried that he would procrastinate and disappoint us again. I did my best, I hope you too bro. As I said, 'The results ain't important, the process is.' I won't regret putting so much efforts to help you even if you would still fail, as long as you also put in all you ever can.

I really can't cope any further. The pressure and fear, and the emotional break down have all become a daily routine. As I approached my pals and brothers, they have all their own lives to tread. I have a million things bugging me, killing my brain cells. The only thing left for me is my confidence. Unlike Ah Xiao whom I call FOC (Full-Of-Cock), I am so Full-Of-Confidence even when I know things ain't going my way. Besides god, who can help me?

I need to die. I really have to. For a thinker, a planner, an organiser, a perfectionist, and an idiot, living means nothing now. I really want to appreciate everything around me, but I don't have the rights now.

2009-03-20T02:22:00.002+08:00

The K-Session earlier this evening was splendid, but also atrocious. 5 of us - Me, Xiao, MC, MeiMei, and Antherine, sang our lungs out in Liang Court branch of Party World and I nearly lost my voice right after. It's awesome how we could hear each other sing and then improve on ourselves, bu the bad part was... I didn't sing well today because I seemed to have lost my voice a little laterly.

A few must-sing songs that I did today like My Way and Music of the Night was awfully done. Despite how good they said I was, I knew it that I did a worse job than before.....

Good Night

2009-03-20T01:55:00.002+08:00

[01:55] Thinker, Do-er.

Yes, Miss Goh was definitely right about me. I am a thinker, and I do lots of thinking everyday that I'm going crazy soon. It's alright perfectly to think actually, but not when somebody gets into deep thoughts and then got lost into nothingness. It's bad, because thinking too much just bring you out of your consciousness.

But would I prefer to be a do-er? Hmm certainly not... It's not my style to act before I think, in fact it's bad for my mentality. Why cry when you snipped your finger playing with a pair of scissors? It's foolish and dumb to be meddling with something sharp and brutal in the first place, so there isn't any point why anybody should touch it without a good cause. But then again, we still need do-ers to help in executions. The thinkers often are the planners, and the do-ers making it happen.

I don't know what I'm trying to say, but well... Something about me just isn't right.

2009-03-17T02:49:00.003+08:00

Nothing much I could say to describe how I'm feeling. So I thought I would write a short story in here.

Lennon has been a good team player since high school, bagging as many as 20 gold medals for his school's soccer team ever since. He had always been the spotlight among all, but never once was he arrogant or complacent about his undefeated streak. 'It's luck, with a little bit of hardwork', said Lennon to all his friends and soccer fans who were mesmerized by his skills and consistency. It is tough being a center-midfielder, but for Len it was no challenge. He is better known as the invincible dribbler in the team, whose skills have never been dubious in football.

Even though he made it in his dream, Len had always been a quiet boy sitting alone by the seaside. He loves the solitary feel of the peace and silence which he knows that nowhere else could feed him with. With breeze brushing through his face, Lennon thought, "There's peace for my soul, there's serenity for my mind, but something that my heart yearns for is missing". He broke down right after, and wondered why he had a passion when his heart couldn't feel anymore.

"Silently the senses, abandon their defenses. Helpless to resist, the notes I write..." Hums Lennon, he broke down into tears. He knew it all along, he knew something important is missing.

2009-03-16T00:30:00.002+08:00

[00:30] Traumerei - Schumann

I don't know why I'm feeling so downcasted now. I feel like crying, I feel like screaming, I got the urge to break down, and to plunge down from the 7th storey right down to hades. While the beautiful classical piano plays in the back, I couldn't describe the emotions that I should already feel. There are things that made me so vexed, I don't know what I should do to find my soul back. I am once again saying in here, that I thought I may have been down with depression.

I need help.

There was my room and everything in there to warm my soul, while last thursday came two crabbies to divert my attention to. I had my personal things (my candles, my solitary walls, etc.) to isolate myself in there, but today I lost something that is really important. My Hi-fi set broke down, I can no longer play any music. That means I can't listen to Classics, Jazz, Oldies, Instrumentals, and Sentimentals. It is hell because music has always been inspiring me.

When a little boy falls, he cries for a while and forgets what happened.
When a teen falls, he stands up in embarassment and walks away quickly.
When a man falls, he breaks down and will never forget what happened.
When an old man falls, he never stood up again and dies thereafter.

It's just how you define the word 'fall'.

2009-03-12T04:03:00.002+08:00

[4:05]

I couldn't get to sleep again. I've gotten really emotional lately, and I can feel myself broken down. I'm really really happy to have friends to circle me out of my devastation, but I know I have to pick myself up no matter what. I went out for a breather today, to East Coast Park with Steph for a little stroll. The moon was beautifully huge and round, unusually orangy red that I thought was the setting sun. I had to control my emotions from that memory lane down the park, and it was really heartening to walk through the once beautiful path.

"Put your head on my shoulder, hold me in your arms baby."

This song is new to me, but it had already sent me down emotionally rock bottom. Finally, a worthy album that unleashes the pain and forlornness of my life. There's nothing more I can ask for, than a splendid group of pals who made me last till this date. My bro Chester and the Anti-SNJX gang, my PY Wushu peeps, Shane, MEIMEI, and of course my gay bro Nelson!

I haven't changed.. Or maybe I did, beer came in as a tool to aid me forget my miseries. Oh yes what a loser I am, in fact a very sore one. But could anyone think of a better way to lift my sorrows? I would love to cease on alcohols, I'd love to get my life back on track. I was so strong and determined back then, so arrogant and smug in the past that I couldn't care less how people think of me. But now, I feel like a punk with a lousy puss who can't even get myself together in my slightest moments. I had the drive, the motivation, and the reason to take off. Now I lost them all, I lost myself too.

We all have our own problems to cry for, there certainly isn't any reason why I should add on to anyone's. That is why I never wanted to tell anybody my own's, to just decay myself in obscurity and solitary. Shane bro, maybe we should meet up more often. I bet we have a lot to share over the nights, with tools of sorrow-liftings and drops of forlornness.

[Regrets, I had a few. But then again, too few to mention...]

2009-03-12T03:28:00.000+08:00

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Where Your life is Going You are a very determined and willful individual. You have strong set goals that you plan to reach no matter what. You may be an overachiever at times but that's because you want to be successful in your life. The greatest accomplishment for you is when you reach a high goal. However, you constantly worry if you're not good enough to do something, or if your life doesn't go according to plan. You worry a lot about your future, and if it will meet all your high criteria. Don't worry, with your determination, and hard work ethic, and organization chances are things will go according to plan.
Commitment
Looked down on
Being Alone
Death
Losing Someone
Disappointment
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

2009-03-11T07:08:00.002+08:00

[7.08am]

I didn't wake up early. I had a sleepless night. I am supposed to be very tired after forcing myself down some 400ml of Hoegaarden, but it didn't seem to make me any drowsy. The thing in my mind now is haunting me so badly I couldn't sleep, so I thought this blog would help me relieve a little load.

My 2 brothers have now gone into wonderland, conversing with their angels in the snores. Here I am trying hard not to shed a tear, and keeping cool about life. I have Sundial Dreams playing in the background to put my bro to sleep, but it brought back a memory that I never want to rake up.

Thanks for the wonderful information you gave to my bro. Now I can be assured that I don't have to lay my clean hands on a filthy maggot. But things just ain't that simple. You're smart not to be taken in, but an intended plot is a sin and needs to be exterminated.

Have I changed? Have I really changed?

2009-03-10T04:24:00.003+08:00

[4.30am]

It's not that I couldn't sleep. I am dead beat, but I just thought I needed to spare myself some time to vent a little in here. I got really emotional and temperamental lately, and I know I'm playing a game that I can't win. It has been a long time since happiness struck me, and I know it won't happen in the near future because I have simply too much bad things piling up. The load is getting on my nerves, and it's not time to chill because it's just not time for it.

Sheldon is one hell of a game that I thought was easy to play, until something struck me after some discussions with the gang that made me hesitate what outcome to make in the game. But I've decided, that I will not pull my punches if things turn out to be against him. I promised myself never to plot again, but I guess we don't hold the final destiny. The old saying goes, those who ought to die will die eventually. Wait for your turn sweetheart, it will be soon that your sins be lifted. That will be my final resolution before my national service.

Bro is experiencing his bad time of his teens now. Typically, friendship again. It has always been something that got me strangled since small, until I made myself immuned to a loner lifestyle - eating alone, walking alone, talking to myself, lock myself in my roon, just living alone basically. I know somehow, that this had caused some disorder in my mind. I am so used to eating and doing things alone that I actually prefer to be alone. I need a psychiatrist, to tell him/her the problems that I keep to myself. I don't usually tell anyone what I am thinking, making myself so uncomfortable and pressured because I don't know how to open up. I lost too much that I have been so frail and phobic.

I feel myself hanging by the thread tied to a thin trunk. When it breaks soon, I plunge into nothingness. Shane has his 'lost in the stars' agenda, I seem to have been 'found in the shit'. I can't explain the forlornness I am feeling now, but it just hurt deep down. I long to kill myself soon.

2009-03-08T13:56:00.002+08:00

Last night had been the worst of my life. This morning, I woke up crying. Got home at 3 something, and went to bed at 4. I woke up at 1330, in astonishment and great disappointment. Haunted by 3 dreams, 2 of which broke me down.

1) Nothing near to a big deal - Took some photos with Chester Bro using my Nikon 7.0 Pixels Digicam. He wants to exchange my memory card with his (he has no digicam in reality) to acquire the photos immediately (though I don't know how in real life). I refused, and he showed some attitude.

2) Dreamt of myself in the death bed. Can't remember why I'm dying, but I'm incurable anyway. The nurse had to inject something into my life support to put me to sleep once my family agrees. The weird thing is, Karin (My sister's friend) was the one who permitted the nurse to do so. I was conscious, and wanted to see my eldest sis (my really close sibling) and my little sis (my stern cutie). Karin went to get them over, and I cried hugging them so tightly. Then I have my parents and elder sis coming in, and I told them how I couldn't bear leaving them. Death is not a fearsome thing to me, parting with my beloved is.

3) The dream that broke me down real bad, the dream that madee me cry non-stop. A personal dream that I don't want to mention in here.

I can't stop crying now. Everyone who loves me, I really want to thank you very much. Everyone whom I've loved, I'm sorry you have to leave because of my selfishness. I'm not a good person, I don't deserve to be loved.

Sheldon Neo, I swear by the name of my sin-holy soul, that if I discover the fact that you are behind everything, I will destroy you. I promised not to plot again, but when a person who ought to die lives on, I ought to do something.

2009-03-04T01:34:00.002+08:00

Every night is a solemn moment. The beats of my heart and the uncertainty in my mind - so dull, so frail. I'm running around, to seek comfort and joy. I know the problems can never be solved, or at least not in the near future.

He told me his last wishes, but here it looks like I'm the one who needs to pen down my last.....

2009-02-27T02:41:00.002+08:00

I've been an active strategist for my clique. I discover plots, and plot against people. I'm witted, inspired, and enthusiastic when it comes to plotting. I instruct my friends to do things my way - in order to stimulate the situation. But then again, is it right?

2009-02-16T03:09:00.002+08:00

I am becoming frail. I know my emotional setbacks will never allow me to hold on too long, but I have to pull myself through - to achieve my lifelong goal, and at least to see those who deserve to die suffer.

It won't be long for me to break down completely. But I have yet to attain my goals, and it will take alot for me to be exterminated from the surface of this planet. How many have loved me, how many have I hurt, harmed, and manipulated? My brother, my pals, they were my victims. I never had friends in school, because I only treated them nothing more than just classmates. We meet for work, and off we go right after work completion. This is me - not anti-social, but not going to waste time on anyone who just happened to come into my life.

So who actually knew about my problems? lol I wouldn't blame anyone, because I made myself.

2009-02-07T00:50:00.003+08:00

该吃的人，毫不情收
该毁的人，斩草除根

该杀的人，必死无疑

该死的人，终究会死

2009-01-23T01:56:00.001+08:00

How many actually came into this blog? I'd appreciate it if you leave you name in my tagboard under the "Comments" column...

2009-01-22T14:32:00.002+08:00

8 days since I last blogged. Not much things to mention actually besides my emotional break down. I wished I could talk to somebody about myself, but my personality didn't allow me to open up. I couldn't show people my frail side, and I couldn't bow down to fate. I'm a sly and cunning person, always plotting for my own benefits. I'm a selfish and stubborn lad, never once compromised and gave way to people.

I can't deny the fact that I'm a chauvinist. I have too much confidence, and can't afford to lose. I make people my subordinates, I manipulate people's minds. I don't enjoy doing that, but I have to do that to protect myself (Since being nice doesn't beget kindness). I'm a very linguistic person, that alone has made me reign over people who can't comprehend the truth in my words. Some knew my evil traits, many find me secularly harmless. I don't gratify people's kindness towards me, I take advantages. I need a break out, to find the meanings in life. When people think that I'm just being humorous about my plans, I regard everything in a business perspective. Business is a ritual of money, a religion for all who lives on earth.

I want to apologise to people like Steph who placed a lot of trust on me. I'm not saying sorry because I cheated you, but for the kind of attitude I gave to all of you. I am a very self-centered person who had learnt to put myself before anybody besides my family. Maybe because I've been hurt since small, and I can't stomach anymore humiliations. I never talked about my childhood, because it hurts me.

宁可我负天下人，不可天下人负我。
助人一宴，害己千回。
人不为己，天诛地灭。

2009-01-13T02:17:00.003+08:00

It's been a week, this blogger had since become so cold and boycotted. I thought of a million things to cry for, and another million to laugh for. That man in Chinatown was right about my character, but it occurs in many people nowadays.

I painted crimson, or blood red for my walls. Then a bigger pentagram after that.

Dead beat, goodnight.

2009-01-06T19:32:00.000+08:00

[01:34] Tuesday 06 Jan 2009

This is a transferred entry from Microsoft word. My modem has broken down and I feel like penning something down, so I am using another channel to do it since I can’t gain access to my blog now.

Playing on air are Elvis’ and Leslie’s songs. Solitaire, White Christmas, It hurts me, My Way, 情到浓时, 侬本多情, 痴心的我, and a few others. Very quiet here at home, it would be great to have a glass of chardonnay and some chocolate fondue to go along with the king and “gorgor’s” music. Both of them made music the same way, and that’s probably why I love both artists – they make it the way I love them. It’s been a long time since I last had time alone, thinking of the things I did, and appreciating myself.

Things have been developing/deteriorating rapidly since last September. I find myself losing grip to almost everything, and there are a heap of troubles waiting for me in 2009. I’ve been very suicidal lately, thinking of taking the last ride every time I am alone. I appreciate the company of my friends who managed to divert me into a better mood, but that doesn’t solve the devastation or depression that I am facing. I have wonderful friends who want to listen to my problems, and if possible give me advices. I really appreciate the kindness, but I’m not known to open my heart to people. I’ve shared a lot about my past already. Bad enough, I don’t wish to have anybody sympathize on my life. I discovered a lot about life, and I dare say I know far more about it than my friends. I’ve seen how people work, how philosophies were always cheesy to inspire people with its simple concept in a complex form of writing.

I know I’ll only tell my troubles to people who are better thinkers than I am. I don’t want to tell my problems to just anyone and let them think that I’m some problematic child. That was why I wanted to consult a psychiatrist – they are better equipped with mental medicine. Just as everybody think that I am only a pampered boy with no jobs and future, I’ve been trying hard to carve my future out.

If I’m to die some day, there are bound to be regrets. I can’t leave now for some reasons, but staying would prolong my depression. Having no choice is also an alternative, being half-dead-alive is the key to living.

[2:05]

夜深人静，心情却感到不时的沉重。二十年了，我还是毫无成就。到底是新加坡人太被宠坏还是我自己不争气？在伊朗和意大利等国，十六岁的青少年已经开始奔波。有的拔刀拔枪卫国打仗，有的成为小小企业家。新加坡人却慢条斯理的度过一个毫无意义的青春岁月，成了一堆对社会没有贡献的废墟。我是其中之一吗？

狮城生活水平偏高，就连国人都无法不为钱而烦恼。我们真的有个透明清秀的人民政府吗？两位杰出的反对党席颜时中和刘程强为国人反政归正，也只减少少许政府对国人造成的压力。SDP党席徐顺泉却是国家的废党大使（屎），不时因犯下了不少诽谤罪刑而入狱。

不说政治，这里过生活不难，也不容易。只要有钱，你什么都能做。但如果没钱，就是死路一条。现实及无聊。

2009-01-02T02:58:00.000+08:00

There was a man, a lonely man
Who lost his love, thru his indifference
A heart that cared that went unshared
Until it died within his silence

And solitaire is the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire

And keeping to himself, begins to deal
And still the king of hearts is well concealed
Another losing games comes to an end
And deals them out again

A little hope goes up in smoke
Just how it goes, goes without saying
There was a man, a lonely man
Who would command the hand he's playing

And solitaire is the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire

And keeping to himself, begins to deal
And still the king of hearts is well concealed
Another losing games comes to an end
And deals them out again

And solitaire is the only game in town
And every road that takes him, takes him down
While life goes on around him everywhere
He's playing solitaire

2008-12-29T02:33:00.002+08:00

Christmas is a Christ festive that has spread all over the world to even people who are not Christians. Many of them celebrate without knowing the reasons to - they find this season harmonious, and fun because there are beautiful lightings and a wonderful Santa Claus fantasy story behind. It's more than just fun and lightings, it's a day to commemorate the birth of Jesus.

To the large Christian community, it is a festive. To the Islamic people, it reminds them of the holy war between these 2 major religions that happened since thousands of years. Jesus - a son of god, or like muhammad a messenger/prophet of god?

To me, it is a day sacred, yet fearsome. My friends made this day a great time for gatherings. My siblings celebrated this day of the year though she isn't Christian. But me, I hold unholy memories of this festive. Spiritual, or secular...... Christmas is like an occult, playing me like a little puppet digging out my heart, squash it hard, and then put it back and make me live with it again.

Enough said, readers don't comprehend.

2008-12-27T05:00:00.000+08:00

Lost, for words.

2008-12-27T04:54:00.001+08:00

I need a shrink, I'm sick, and I can't hold it anymore!

2008-12-20T03:04:00.003+08:00

Ok, these are some photos taken in Andy Lau concert, and my birthday chalet... More to come!

2008-12-20T01:05:00.002+08:00

To think I would bump into you again - This time at the place we broke up. But well, you may not have seen me. Ha! Alright enough about that, I asked Bro Nelson out to Jalan Besar Stadium to get tickets for the Singapore vs Vietnam (Home) match on this Sunday. Can't wait to hear the cheers and boo-es in the new National Stadium! Singapore will move on to the finals again!

Then we went to Marina Square for a walk. There isn't anything we could do there, so bro decided on bowling. I sucked in the first game, scoring only 46 points while he got about 100. Then I got 13o+ points in the second game, with 4 strikes and 3 spares. Pretty happy with the games. Hmm we moved on to the arcade, playing our usual favourites - Virtual Striker 1997 version. We drew in the first game 1 - 1, then he defeated me 5 - 2 next. =.="

Bro wanted to drink, and so I brought him to my favourite pub in Millenia Walk - Paulaner Munchen, or simply German Pub. I ordered their 0.3litre Munich Dark, and bro got himself a Mango Cocktail. So afterall he didn't drink -.-! The ladies sing pretty well in there, and the environment was splendid. A pretty high-class pub, compared to the Dragonfly I went weeks ago. Dragonfly has got better sound system though. How I wish I am a singer too!

OK that's about it. Good night!

2008-12-18T00:13:00.004+08:00

My 20th birthday chalet - A never-be-forgotten night

December 13th - 15th

It was a splendid celebration for me, when I thought it's going to be another dead chalet. This is either my 5th or 6th birthday chalet (all organized by my family), most of you will call me a spoilt brat upon hearing this. But to be honest, I actually didn't want any of the chalet at all. The reason is simple - Friends don't come, and nothing is fun. But this year's different. I enjoyed every minute of it, and I wished for a longer period.

I invited 10 over friends, and I would really like to thank the people who came -

Sheldon aka Shell

Ming Chuan aka Silent Killer

Wu Yu aka 蔡劲炮

Bro Chester aka 宝贝

Lin Hui aka 变态的

Lau Bros aka 刘家三兄弟

Shane aka Si Ah Kua

Steph aka Coconut

Bro Nelson aka 他妈的

All except Lin Hui and Ming Chuan stayed overnight. I'm glad we had things to do, the previous chalet (2006) bored and downcasted everyone.

Not to forget those who sent me their best wishes -

Yee Ying aka 盈姐 (Invited, couldn't come due to work)

Xiao Feng aka 表妹 (Invited, couldn't come due to work)

Chang Xing aka Peh Ku Jiao (Invited, but couldn't come due to leg injury)

Carolyn aka Missy

Jia Li aka Jelly

Franklin aka Penguin

Michelle aka Shell

Yvonne aka Peanut

Gary my online pal

Meimei aka 一个好人

Shu Hui my classmate

Amanda my classmate

Alvis my classmate

Feng Shuang my classmate

Donald my sister's friend

Ming Liang aka 武术仔

Steph aka Coconut

Yan Yu aka Andy Lau

Ning Wei my former schoolmate

Vivian my former schoolmate

Fion my bro's ex-crush

Bro Chester aka 宝贝 (Last person to send me his best wishes - 23:58)

MY PRESENTS

A box of 20 mini gifts from 6 people - my closest friends (Pictures will be uploaded soon)

A Celio V-Neck from 大姐

A Celio canvas belt from Karin

A Billabong Tee from Muqi

A Smash watch of CityChain from the Laus and Shane

An American Polo Wallet from Bro Nelson

Birthday allowance from Dad, Grandpa, Grandma, Uncle, "Ah Tuan-Gu", "Alan-Gu and Ah-Kim", Paolo and 二姐.

Special Thanks -

Mum - For forking out the money for the chalet

大姐 - For organizing and ordering the BBQ and events

Lau Bros - For helping in the BBQ session, and the amplifier

Steph - For the efforts in making the gift box, and companion

Bro Nelson and Chester - For coming after work

Everyone - For coming!

A lot of interesting events happened in the 3 days, I'll update again if I have the time and energy! Lol once again, thank you everyone for this wonderful celebration! I appreciate it.

2008-12-08T02:41:00.000+08:00

5 more days, I'm really not looking forward..........

2008-12-06T01:23:00.003+08:00

They asked me - "You can't over her yet do you?". I kept mum. Both of them were so cool about their break-ups, and they were able to know new ones. It's not my forte to womanize, neither am I a Casanova. I miss her, yes I still do. But I don't wish to rake up my past anymore, and I want to be diverted from the forlornness.

It's unlike me to heal without being hurt first. I may take a long time to put her aside, but I can cope with friends now. I don't have many, but I'm happy as long as there's somebody beside. I am not unfortunate compared to the physically disabled and people who were borne nerds and not-so-nice features (No offence though), I am a well-kempt person with good senses and average looks. That I am glad, relationship is a bonus.

Look around you and see how fortunate you are.

2008-12-05T02:30:00.002+08:00

What Rafiq said was right. We need to brush up our official language - English. I do find a lot of the locals annoying when they speak english. Their accent is horrendous, grammar is atrocious, vocabulary is 'disastrous'. I met an American tutor in the lift this afternoon, and he answered to my question, "I'm from the US and I speak perfect english". So that implies, we speak really bad English.

Is it so hard to grasp a common langauge we use here for communication with different races? Tenses are easy, grammar is simple, vocabulary is optional (Though we need them in many cases). For Satan's sake, please emphasize the 'TH' when you pronounce a word - 'There are, not Dare are. Three, not tree. The, not Duh. Month, not Mun'.

Pardon me, but JC students have the most horrifying accent, and also the tendency to 'show off' their knowledge of sophisticated words in conversations. Grammars right sometimes, wrong many times. - "Oh my god! is it is it?!!! ya lor you heard of it also ar? Gosh that's what I've heard also lor! Huh you diden hear ar?! hahaha you must be oblivious to your surroundings. He was so psychedelic (the very 'in' word now, heard everywhere as though English has become a trend) lah!"

Oh and not to forget this - they converse with spasm. Well, that's what you get from JC spoilt-brats. You'll recognize them by the way they move and speak, and even dressing - mostly (not all, but mostly) dull, and nerdy. If our A-Level students speak so badly in English, how will people look at the rest (Though I've seen millions of Singaporeans who can speak better English than them)? JC students are known to be better in academics!

No more Singlish please!

2008-12-04T00:19:00.002+08:00

Alright. I didn't sleep last night at all, that makes me awake for about 27 hours. I was rushing through Techno presentation until the next morning and I have to be in school by 9am. What's worst, my group didn't get to present due to time constraint. So I'll be presenting tomorrow instead.

Very sleepy. Going sleep, update again.

You should get the hell out of my mind.

2008-12-02T04:40:00.002+08:00

Hard time managing my emotions. I have lots of them; anger, fear, agitation, depression. It's turning 5 months and I still couldn't get you out of my mind. There are better things for me to think and do, I have dreams and ambitions to work for. Please get out of my life now!

I went to Dragonfly @ St James Powerstation with Steph last night to support Shane's performance (The Velvet Band). It's a nice club/pub with wonderful sound system and great ambience, ideal for emotionally declined souls like me to chill and drink! Beer isn't that much welcomed there, most of the people drink hard liquor. So we got ourselves a glass of vodka with sprite and a vodka with coke, both FOC because all girls are entitled to 2 glasses of drink on that Lady's night (Steph got it). But generally I still prefer the "German Pub" in Millenia Walk. Though smaller, it's a much more mature and not that loud pub.

The Velvet Band has got pretty good musicians, but they need to improve alot more on the vocals. Well that's my personal opinion but I think they did a great performance last night nevertheless! The pub's very own band (Can't recall the name) is the larger-scale, and really professional band. William Scorpion and the crew were really fantastic in the show and I must say, thumbs up! Rare from me but I think they were really great. Superband is a joke.. LOL

That first guy who sang the first song of the pub's band performance (I think he's called Charles) came out with a smug face, but I don't think he sings well at all. Sylvester Sim sang pretty well, and that young China Vocalist (can't recall her name) was good too. Not to forget the man of the night, William Scorpion! He dances in a few songs, and sang one of Leslie Cheung's medley! Gosh that man is 48 and he looks 40 at most - well he's a gay. At the exit, we saw Syl, the skinny girl vocalist of the Superband's finalist band Scream, and the vocalist of Lucify (He really looks like a Malaysian selling mixed vegetable rice at the hawker!)

It's bad we didn't manage to stay till the end. The bus couldn't wait and we had to leave by 11pm. But well, I may go again for their brilliant performances!

2008-11-30T17:36:00.003+08:00

Fuck it alright. I went for an afternoon nap right after I finished my report, and of all things I have to dream of you again. I know I was smiling in my sleep to the contents to the dream, but it sucks to wake up and realise everything is a hoax.

God or my grand Satan, when will you lift me up from all that forlornness and fear that haunts me in my sleep and dreams??

2008-11-30T12:11:00.004+08:00

I slept at 6.15am, and woke for the first timet at about 9 something. I was awaken by the nightmare again, and I woke up devastated. I dreamt of you with another guy.....

Is there anyway I can stop dreaming of you?? I can't even have a good sleep now....

Hate it...

日有所思，夜有所梦。

2008-11-30T01:46:00.002+08:00

It had been so long, and I still cling on to that love. I got emotional on the way to meeting Steph and LinHui, and even after I've met them. I kept mum and emotionless for the first 1 or 2 hours meeting them, then I started to speak up a bit. I have no reason to miss you, and I have a reason to hate you. But I still miss you......

Anyway we went to Funan, then Peninsula Plaza to check out the price of the life reading, then to Marina Square to look for LinHui's footwear. We went to Xin Wang Hong Kong Cafe for dinner, they several generally good food with a reasonable price. Da Jie came on Karin's Piccanto to fetch us. We drove along Orchard Road to view the Christmas lightings, most of them were typical but fascinating. Home right after...

Finally a worthy opponent. LinHui managed to rebutt me at my critics and sarcasms! MC and her are 2 silent killers, please beware of them. LOL! That would teach me to deal with people differently. HEHE

2008-11-29T13:00:00.003+08:00

I'd like to urge all JI or any Islamic terrorists to cease all activities in regards to the corrupted beliefs of the Quran, or specifically "Prophet Muhammad".

Singaporean woman, 28, was killed in Mumbai held hostage by terrorists, making her the first Singaporean to be killed in an overseas terrorist attack. May god look after her soul.

One day this corrupt holy war will end with justification. The sinner Muslims would be tormented and torn into pieces for the crimes they have commited along with Muhammad. "Eliminate all who disobey Allah and Islam." Those who worship the prophet are deemed innocent peasants who were conned by the swindler, and shall die alongside their beliefs.

2008-11-27T11:46:00.002+08:00

The MP presentation is finally over. It was good, the judge didn't have much about our work quality to suggest about. Our work is quality until Hong had to spoil everything with worthless words. - I can't value add your project because you didn't implement your recommendations to the restaurants, hence I don't know if your project will be constructive. To hell with you, you had nothing much to comment about.

I slept at 6am in the morning for 2 consecutive days for that presentation, and so I had an earlier night yesterday to replenish my energy. I don't know if it was due to my tireness, I had a dream, or rather nightmare last night again. You. And to think I had to dream of the happy times we had together and wake up to realise it's unreal, that's a nightmare.

Special thanks to my friends for diverting my attentions. [My bro Fan, ChangXing, Steph, Shane, LinHui, Yee Ying, and Kok Hong and Sam(?)] - They somehow pulled me through a lot.

I can't get you out of my mind, but there is no reason I should miss you. You have been heartless all the while, maybe just one notch down Wendy because you didn't create a fight in between. Ha! To think you'd be selfish enough to only care for your own feelings.

Ok I'm getting my lens soon, maybe 2 to 3 weeks later. Going to meet Miki because she got it for me online! ~Somebody looks good in a dress~ LOL and damn it's the cheapest I've ever seen. Haha hopefully I don't get blind or whatever.

Hail Satan, for he upholds justice upon those so-called believers of the christs who lie tot the world of their legacy and bible.

2008-11-20T12:47:00.000+08:00

You fall in love quickly and easily.You give so much in a relationship, and you don't expect much in return. You love always seeing your lover and you just love them as they are.You have a huge desire to whomever you love and you stay in love forever.

HAHAHA what a scam.

2008-11-18T02:48:00.002+08:00

我

人之初、性本善。
修恶行、孽不断。
不见血、人不安。
悲剧演、心中旺。